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stigmatised. |
A little presumptuous, mildly pretentious and sometimes obnoxious. But I won't apologise. I love writing. It's an addiction. |
Rien. |
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written on Friday, February 17, 2012 at 8:16:00 AM
"Looks are not everything."
While I tend to agree with that statement, I would like to say I disagree with an assumption the statement also makes: that looks are not that important. A person who says this must either: 1. be ugly; or, 2. have had a bad experience with a good-looking person; or, 3. have had a bad experience with a good-looking person who had a crap / zero personality; or, 4. really not care about looks. Fair enough. I am speaking for myself here, and I do care a lot about aesthetics. Looks account for about 50% (the rest being for what he has on the inside) of why I love my boyfriend. What? Have you seen him? He's a looker. I never would have agreed to being with him, were he ugly. If he still had the same personality, we could have been friends (in the true meaning of the word, not the fucked up definitions of friendship most twist it into nowadays.), but nothing more. I'm lying; I don't befriend boys. I am also very selective of my girlfriends. (Segueing back to how looks are important to me in a partner.) I know how this sounds: extremely superficial, awfully shallow. You take his looks away, I suddenly don't love him? Well, to be fair, you take his looks away I wouldn't have even looked at him and been attracted to him in the first place. At least I'm honest. I would not want to wake up to someone who (I think) looks ugly, every morning. I am entitled to not want that, am I not (rhetorical question, obviously.)? Just to make things clear, I would not want to wake to up some good-looking, but awful person, either. I'm lucky he has everything I could want in a man. As the Higher Power would have it, I was not made to readily compromise on what I want. As in, why should I trade off the good looks for a big.. personality? Naon. *spoilt kid pout. Give me everything. I want it all. Don't get me wrong. I am not only with him because he looks good. If you got the gist of my character, you would understand that I would never settle for less than I think I deserve. The thing is, not only is he good-looking, but he has a personality I love. He is charming (excessively so) and smart (like, book and life smart. Smart smart.) (he gets things so easily, so fast.) (I would never have pushed myself to study, if it weren't for how he knew stuff I didn't for our A-Levels.) (I'm smart too, okay. *competitive.); and when he loves you? That man is dedicated. What I'm saying is, the way he looks forms part of the everything he is / can be / will be; who am I to fight this? I am also in love with the fact that he has, more or less, the same ideals and standards that I have. And that we are on the same wavelength, for the most part. There are tons of reasons why I love him actually. I have an entry about that in my archives, somewhere. How many times, if ever, do you meet someone who is smart and good-looking? And, he is ravishing and sophisticated too? Shut up and take my heart already, you dufus. A random, funny conversation to end this post. *sees photo of Mon Monsieur on my phone. - Is that your boyfriend? - Yes. - Good-looking guy! Is he from your country too? - Yes, he is. - Oh yeah, yeah! I see the resemblance! ... ... ... ... ... WHAT RESEMBLANCE, WOMAN?! Oh. Yes. We're. Twins.
***
You shine through to me.
write to me ♠ | this post has 0 comment(s). ![]() written on Monday, February 13, 2012 at 12:17:00 AM
I write.
Love, on its own, does not function. It is not a free agent. It is not independent. It needs a catalyst, another person, in order to reach its full-fledged power. You take "the person you love" out of the equation, what are you left with?
***
You start wondering why you feel the way you feel. And, you realise, it's because of love. Love awakens in you, what you cannot make alive on your own. It pokes at nerves you never knew existed. It makes you aware of thoughts you never knew you had. It gives you feelings you were never taught to control. And it fills you up with the essence of your lover.
So that when they kiss you, they breathe life into you.
So that when they touch you, they instil sensations into you.
So that when they talk to you, they move worlds into you.
It's like you were dead all along.. until the moment they came into your life, and shared their soul with you.
This is happiness.
It is knowing you are worth another person ripping a piece of themselves out to give to you. It is the improbable promise that you will always be the only one they will share themselves with. It is the irrational reassurance that this universe they brought to life in your being will stay yours forever. It is actually wanting to fall; fall into this haven they've created out of your abyss.
This is trust.
It is thinking they will be there to catch you, just because they don't want to see you bruise. It is letting yourself fall, expecting to feel their arms around you. It is believing everything will be okay, just because they say so. It is believing your heart to be safe.
But, the thing about love, is that it can be the most powerful, and also, the most transient of feelings. It often does not last. It hardly ever survives. And, when the one you love leaves, they take away what they gave to you, but leave behind the hint of their stay.
So that the burns on your lips remain.
So that the holes on your skin remain.
So that the rips in your mind remain.
This is breaking.
It is realising that all along, they were tearing you apart, but you were too happy to feel the pain. That is how you die after a meaningful relationship ends. That is how you can never be yourself again. That is how it hurts to love. It is the throbbing ache inside when you realise the things that meant everything to you, meant nothing to them. It is knowing that while their love was keeping you alive, yours was just there to keep them company.
And they take their lifeblood, their sensations and their worlds. And leave you lifeless, numb and godless.
This is emptiness.
Everyone should be taught how to die.
write to me ♠ | this post has 0 comment(s). ![]() written on Wednesday, February 8, 2012 at 10:01:00 PM I was made to take this personality test called the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator. I personally thought it was a sham. To be honest, I think all things that claim to they can tell you about yourself / your personality is bogus - horoscope characteristics being first on the list. However, because there were two different approaches to that particular assessment, and I got the same result both times, I have to say I am inclined to give this test the benefit of the doubt. That, and the fact that they said nice things about my type (haha, joke). They were pretty accurate. There are sixteen types you can fit in, those being a combination of four "preference" measures. Those measures are contrasts of - 1. how we focus our energy, 2. how we take in information, 3. how we make decisions, and, 4. how we deal with the outer world. What I like about this is that absolutely everyone uses all eight "approaches to life" mentioned in the four measures, but in varying degrees. It's all about which one one is more inclined towards / prefers. We also have the ability to develop the cognitive style we do not usually use. Which I thought was cool. Yeah, potential is what I'm all about. One of the two tests I took, gave me statements to which I had to answer on a scale of "Very Accurate" to "Very Inaccurate". Without knowing the result, I took another one where had to choose for myself between the dichotomies presented. It was interesting. It was a nice guide, although I would not really read too much into it. After all, I decide what I want to be like, don't I? Have you ever taken the test(s) before? What's your type? I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours first.
***
Let's compare scars,
I'll tell you whose is worse.
write to me ♠ | this post has 2 comment(s). ![]() |